So today I presented my entire research project to a panel of judges at RMIT. We do things a little differently than our antipodean colleagues: instead of submitting a thesis then defending it to a group of readers, we present our findings at least three months prior to our expected completion date, and the panel decides whether our work will be worth reading when it’s done.

Now at the risk of immodesty, I think I’m a good public speaker. Even when nerves get to me, I manage to engage an audience in a story or a message that always includes a good laugh somewhere. Years of teaching, preaching, performing, add a little brain, and you got the makings for a good time. But for some reason my tongue decided to revolt this afternoon, and my brain went on a little strike. I forgot really important details that had been in my head for days and weeks, I failed to recall the reason why some data was on certain PowerPoint slides and not others, and wasted a lot of time getting my mouth around stuff early in the presentation and had to rush through the main points of my overall findings and arguments. In short, my completion seminar sucked while it also blowed.

At every graduate research seminar I’ve presented since late 2006 there has been one panel member, who is a brilliant scholar and really nice person, but whose mind I can never predict. She always offer some sort of criticism that I have trouble understanding, and each time I think I’ve got her worked out, she comes up with something else to trouble me further. Don’t get me wrong, her critiques have ultimately been helpful, but it’s always frustrating to know that no matter how hard you’ve worked, there’s always something else to have to figure out.

Anyway, her only criticism today was that she read my thesis summary (presented in previous posts) and utterly loved it. She thought it was concise and catchy, that I had a great grasp of both language and my entire concept. And she thought she’d see more of it at the presentation. But all she got was detail and numbers and formality.

The total bugger of that was for the past few weeks, while I’ve rocked myself to and fro in a corner muttering to myself in total panic about this completion seminar, I’ve been telling myself to ignore my own tendencies, to present a detailed model, offer as much data as you can, try to be as quantitative as qualitative, and back up any musings with real discovery. But if I had only trusted my own instincts, and made a show the way I would want to hear one, I would have finally made her happy, after all these years. Damn! I have to believe in myself. I can’t believe it.

Anyway, the seminar was finished at 3.30pm. At 4.30pm I got a call from my supervisor, who told me that yes-indeedy there were some issues that will be clarified over the next few emails and meetings. but I may be assured that the university is looking forward to reading my thesis when submitted in August.

Phew!

Completion seminar presentation