I know what that feeling is. When you see someone and an imaginary spear has gone through your ribcage and you suddenly can’t breathe or move. When even a flashing memory of them completely robs you of your ability to concentrate, and all you want to do is lose yourself in the images of them that start flooding the space behind your eyes. I feel those feelings.

Last Friday I picked Megan up from school. Sometimes I dare never ask the question, as it often results in an answer that starts with a long preparatory inhalation and ends at bedtime. But last Friday I plucked myself to say to her, “So, Megan, how was your day?”

Somewhere in the middle of her story was a minuet of a moment when she recalled how her new teacher had posited that in his day children who were naughty were spanked and how he thought that it wasn’t such a bad thing, that it toughens kids up and sets them on a straighter path than the one today’s children are following. I asked her how she felt about it and she giggled and said, in a plumbed-up English accent, “I was mortally offended. I think I should write a letter to the department!” We suspended all conversation for a few minutes to giggle like eight-year old girls and cackle like 37-year old men.

Then she got serious and said, “You know dad I didn’t think of it at the time but now I think what he said wasn’t right. You know, I don’t think anybody should hit anyone else, no matter how bad they are. I think I’m going to tell him that on Monday.” I became stoned in silence, while the phrases flooded my head: My daughter said that. My daughter. My little girl. Only eight years old and already taking the world by its horns.

Later that evening AJ and I sat on the couch so he could teach me how to say different colours in sign language, a project his day-care teachers have made a learning priority for the month. It took me a little while but I managed to get the hang of about eight colours, and we made a game of it where I would write the colours on his arms and face while singing the words to a made-up tune. Brown, white and black would tickle him and he’d giggle, getting ever more excited as he sang along.

While watching his eyes and mouth get brighter as he laughed and sang I was positive that the walls would start crumbling as the light from his smile would cause an eruption, and the only way I could deal with the immensity of it was to scream out “Yay!”, which only made him laugh harder. Megan, who arose from the depths of her Harry Potter decided to join in, and we sang and laughed until we fell off the couch onto the floor, rolling around. I felt like my ribs were losing their strength and my heart and lungs would burst, causing an awful mess on the carpet.

All the plans I’ve made in my life, all the goals I’ve set for myself, all the achievements I’ve made, have not allowed me to understand why I’ve been given these moments, or why these jewels should want to show themselves in my presence. In these instances I feel completely undeserved, robbed of any value, in comparison to the size of the joy that has swallowed me whole. And there is nothing, not words, not tears, no gratitude that can even measure the feeling, let alone respond to it. Only the desire to keep on feeling.

And here’s the paper on BB08 that I’m preparing for a possible conference in Melbourne in 2009, or for a journal or book section, or just my own interest…

Religion and ideology in Big Brother 08

Weeks before the first airing of the 2008 series of Big Brother in Australia (known in shorthand as BB08), Channel Ten offered viewers a “sneak peek” of some of the contestants. In ten-second video-bytes, contestants would make simple statements that would offer their audience a glimpse into their character. Watching these snippets, I couldn’t help but ask why the very first words of a BB08 contestant heard on air would be those of a middle-aged white woman, “I believe that religion is the root of all evil.” I believe the question was answered in part when audiences were introduced to another contestant, an escapee of a cult who speaks freely of his faith journey outside the confines of organised religion.

This paper/presentation will outline the findings of a survey of religious content in conversations between contestants exposed to the television audience, its commentary by the show’s presenters, and ritual practices of both contestants and presenters in BB08’s various programs (The Daily Show, Eviction and Big Mouth). I believe my analysis will show that BB08 is not just a game, not just a “social and psychological experiment” among contestants (as widely promoted and advertised), but also an ideological experiment played out between the producers of the show and its audiences.

In a media environment where the word “religion” is more frequently associated with war, terrorism and discrimination than faith, love or justice, religion has become a more prominent field of ideological debate in Australian society. The “real-life” drama seen on BB08, I will argue, is a carefully plotted and predicted expression of mass media’s view of Australian religious debates and dialogues.

Paul Emerson Teusner is a PhD student in the School of Applied Communications at RMIT University in Melbourne, Australia. While he has never enjoyed watching Big Brother, he recognises its cultural significance, and has been labelled a “theologian” when talking about ritual practices in Big Brother on ABC Radio.

This is the title of the plenary session that the guys at the conference have asked me to present something to, and here is the abstract of my paper:

Online religious advertising: repackaging youth culture through symbolic exchange

Between this day and the end of January 2009 Australian cities will host at least three large-scale religious events catering to young people (under 25 years). Though Australia may be viewed as a secular nation, religious conventions tend to draw large crowds, from both within and without the continent’s shores. Newspapers have even gone so far as to predict the Papal visit to Sydney for the World Day of Youth will attract more visitors to the city than the 2000 Olympic Games.

While the Internet is never seen as the most visible site for advertising for these conventions and rallies, it is always considered an important component of any advertising strategy. Internet sites are known to be an important secondary source of advertising space for events, providing more detailed information than a television or a newsletter ad. Internet sites also keep registrants and ticket buyers “connected” by updating them with information as the event draws closer, and maintaining excitement about attending.

This presentation will show findings from a study of three Internet sites connected to religious youth events held in Australia: the World Day of Youth in Sydney, the Hillsong Youth Conference in Sydney and the National Christian Youth Convention, held in Melbourne. A textual analysis will show that, despite the diverse theological positions, convention goals and approaches to the Internet, all three sites are surprisingly similar in content and form.

The study raises questions about the intersection of technology, culture and religion, that I intend to posit in the presentation. In particular, I would like to consider why religious discourses take a back seat in favour of discourses formed and framed by youth culture and Internet production.

So the sixth conference on religion, media and culture called me up to invite me to speak at a plenary session, based on the exciting research I’ve been doing in the field of online religion.

Well, that ain’t so true. I was going there anyway, so they thought I might like to speak at a plenary session.

Actually, they were really stumped to fill in a gap so they asked me.

Well, to tell the truth, they asked my supervisor, who refused and palmed the gig on to me.

Still, I’m feeling really excited about it. On top of a couple of other presentations I’m doing in sessions, I’m offered the chance to share what I think about stuff ‘n’ stuff to the entire conference. And given it’s like the flagship of research into media and religion, there’ll be a lot of university departments who’ll say “So, who’s this guy then?”

In my other life in Shepparton, weird shit is happening all over the place. I got a call yesterday from Victoria Legal Aid over an issue they have with one of their clients whose residential service worker appeared at a police interview. So I’ve been asked to be at a meeting to give Crimes Act information to Legal Aid and advice to a local youth work agency on how youth workers should conduct themselves in consult with young people.

So many things I am so unqualified for. I even surprise myself what I can get away with. So far nobody’s worked out I’m a dickwad, and I reckon the new haircut has something to do with it.